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Posts Tagged ‘depression’

15 weeks preggers

04/06/11

Well life has been on hold for several months now as my body has tried desperately to adjust to the demands of the little person growing inside my belly. ¬†From the middle of January until the middle of March, most of the hours in my day were spent eating, sleeping, crying, and/or parenting my 5 year old and 2 year old from the spot on the couch where I was laying with my eyes half closed, trying not to vomit. Admittedly, not the most impressive two months I’ve ever had. As I told my husband about six weeks ago, “I would not make a very good chronically ill patient.” No, beauty and grace have not been my middle name.

It is humbling to know I am always a pregnancy away from completely falling apart.

But the last few weeks have been better. I am still deeply and utterly exhausted (When I say deeply and utterly, I mean it feels like there are tiny suction cups covering every inch of my skin, sucking every ounce of energy I have ever had out of every single cell in my body.) But I am down to more occasional bouts of nausea and my hormones have balanced out enough so that the fog of depression feels like it has lifted. (Both things for which I am extremely and constantly grateful.)

And since I have done little more than lie on the couch these past few months, my brain has been given more time than usual to think (a bit too much time, if you ask me), so I have many, many thoughts to share. With all of my pregnancies I have found myself in a state of restlessness, evolution, even discontentment. I don’t know if it is the hormones, the months of sickness or the sense of entrapment that comes with feeling like a victim of my own body, but pregnancy always gets me thinking, dreaming, ¬†scheming of new ideas, new questions, new plans and ideals. Oh yes, I am often dreaming and scheming, pregnant or not. But that part of my brain seems to stay on hyper-drive when I am pregnant. Which has got to be the hormones…

So let’s see if I can get my “pregnancy brain” in gear, and get some of these thoughts down on paper (and by paper I mean 2echoEcho.wordpress.com) before I forget them just as I forget everything else I try to remember these days. (Which has been proven, really is the hormones.)

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